I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
