just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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