so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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