This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
