Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
