she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
These tits shall not be calmed
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
