I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
