is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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