I wannas sexs uuuuu
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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