Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have aggressive nipples.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
