Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
