I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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