I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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