Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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