I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
