There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
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Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You ruined the universe
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize