It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
