its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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