I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
