Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
