He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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