Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Green mimosas i think yes
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
