I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
