I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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