There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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