I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
