Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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