I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
