I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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