Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
