i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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