I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
