i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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