we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
