hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
