Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'

(617): View more from Massachusetts

we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom

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(360): View more from Washington

I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.

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(443): View more from Maryland

he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."

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(910): View more from North Carolina

once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.

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(574): View more from Indiana

I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.

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(716): View more from New York

So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.

(1-716): View more from New York

Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in

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(585): View more from New York

Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.

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