I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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