sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
