man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
