all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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