can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Shame - the story of my life.
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