i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
