There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
