He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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