I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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