I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i've created a new STD.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
