I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
