I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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