Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize