Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
