How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
