I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
