Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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