I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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