You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
