Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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