ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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