I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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