I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
