she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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