So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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