Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
