Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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