Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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