I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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