When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
