my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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